What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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