Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
