areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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