Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
