The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
