nut hugger
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
