Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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