I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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