you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
