Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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