We're facebook friends in real life
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
