Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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