8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
