Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I am one with the molecules
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
