I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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