I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
