you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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