Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
