my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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