god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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