He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
