he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize