I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize