Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
