did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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