You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
