i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
