phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
