She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
