I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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