just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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