you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
