yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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