I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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