There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
