He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
