I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
