dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
