I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
