oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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