I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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