Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
