Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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