and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize