That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just googled if crying burns calories
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I want a musical about memes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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