she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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