Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
