i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
