I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
