Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
