I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
