I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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