you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
