The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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