i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
