alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
