I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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