last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
