Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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