I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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