no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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