Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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