last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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