I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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