im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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