this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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