wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
