we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
