tell your sister to shave her snatch
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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