I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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